Lesson Learned, God . . . No, Really!

 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” 

Matthew 7:1-2 (NIV)

   I couldn’t take my eyes off the boy two tables over from me. “How could his parents let him keep doing that?” I wondered. He was probably 10 or 11 years old, with blue eyes, freckles scattered across a turned-up nose, and dark brown hair that hung down across his eyes and brushed against his shoulders. But it wasn’t his features that caught my eye . . . it was what he was doing with them!

   Every few seconds, he would flip his hair out of his eyes with a right-to-left jerking motion of his head, look up and down, and then curl his upper lip until it met the bottom of his nose. Then he would repeat the entire process again and again . . . and again.

    Unfortunately, my thoughts continued: “If he were MY son, I would know how to take care of that behavior! How embarrassing!” I might as well be honest here. That thought was probably the nicest one that I had concerning the young man. And let me add something else: I did not have any children yet. My knowledge of raising kids could have filled one-fourth of a 3x5 index card.

    The next morning, the alarm buzzed, and I jumped out of bed to get ready for work as usual . . . but God had another plan for me, and it was a big one: I had a twitch just above my right eye - and not just any twitch. It caused the outer half of my eyebrow to jump upward while my upper eyelid winked at that exact second. Go ahead. I know you are dying to try to make your eyebrow do that, but I’m betting you can’t because normally, just the outer half of your eyebrow is unable to shoot upward. There’s no way that I could intentionally do that myself, nor would I want to.

    The annoying eyebrow/eyelid dance did not quit but seemed to gain rhythm and bounce with every twitch. My mind immediately went back to the evening before and the boy with his twitching, jerking problem. “Okay, Lord,” I prayed. “I get it. I shouldn’t have judged that poor boy. Maybe he had something wrong with him. Maybe he was stressed. Whatever it was, I had no right to act like I was superior to him or his parents in any way. Thank you for teaching me this lesson. Forgive me. Amen.” And do you know what happened next?

   Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The eyebrow continued to move and groove as the eyelid winked again and again and again. Sound familiar? Uh huh. Oh, I knew that my Father, in His mercy and grace, forgave me for my unchristian thoughts and judgment of that young boy. But I was also equally certain that He wanted me to learn a lesson from my actions, and He was right.

    No matter where I went, the twitching never ceased. People would stop in mid-conversation and stare at me as if I had a contagious disease. I walked by two women at the supermarket who could barely contain their laughter as I went by. “Whoa! Did you see that?” “Yes, I did. She could be on that Stranger than Fiction show on TV with that twitch!”

    Six weeks later - you read it right - SIX weeks later, the Zumba twitching eyebrow/eyelid dance suddenly disappeared and with it my judging, arrogant attitude.

    We are commanded in Colossians 3:12 (NIV) “as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved” to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Why? So we can become more Christ-like in our walk with Him. So people will know without a doubt Who our Father is and Who we serve. So people will want to know more about Jesus.

    I had replaced compassion with condemnation and kindness with cruelty. And my Father, because He loves me and desires so much more for my life, allowed me to experience first-hand that same condemnation and cruelty in order for me to truly understand gentleness and humility that can only come from a right relationship with Jesus. Lesson learned, Father. Lesson learned.

  Father, forgive me for judging those around me, and thank you for your reminder that as a Christian, I need to follow your example. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

R.A.P. it up . . . 

Reflect

• Think about a time that you felt that you could handle a situation more than the people involved.

• Were your actions/thoughts Christ-like, or were they condemning?

Apply

• Name one way you can turn condemnation into compassion with a situation that you are aware of in your church family.

• Put yourself in place of that person mentioned above and describe how you would feel if judged or condemned.

Power 

• Matthew 7:1-2 (NIV) “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

• Galatians 2:6 (NIV) “…God does not judge by external appearance…”

• Colossians 3:12 (NIV) “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

How To Handle A Mean Girl

 “For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of  unjust suffering because he is conscious of God.” I Peter 2:19 (NIV)

          “This is pretty healthy to eat, right?” the cashier asked me as I went through her checkout line last week. I nodded that it was, and she replied, “My husband and I have just started eating healthier and working out.”

         “Well, you always look great, but good for you,” I told her, but she immediately shook her head “no” and glanced away. “Well, not according to one of my friends when she went through my line today. She told me my face looked round, and when I asked her what she meant, she told me my face was fat.”

         I couldn’t contain my reaction. “What? Are you kidding me?” She continued: “Oh, she added ‘just kidding’ right after she said that. But I knew she meant it.”

   Mean girls. They are everywhere.  And they hide. They hide in a group, and they hide behind smiles and “just kidding” comments, but they are mean. Sometimes they even masquerade as a friend or – perhaps even worse – a Christian friend. And if that isn’t bad enough, it often seems that they get away with being mean.

   So what can we do when a mean girl verbally attacks? I can immediately tell you what the unchristian side of me says: “Get even! Say something right back that is even more hurtful! Share what she said so that everyone around me knows and sides with me.” Sound familiar?

   And then we read I Peter 2:19 (NIV) “For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God.” What in the world does that mean? Are we just supposed to meekly sit by and “take it” as we are attacked verbally by a mean girl?

   First of all, “because he is conscious of God” refers to you. In other words, because you know the will of God, you have a duty to do what He says, and that is to be Jesus to the mean girl. Jesus understands. Look through the New Testament at all the horrible comments hurled at Him like missiles, and yet He was kind and forgiving. He is encouraging you in I Peter 2:19 to be obedient to His command.

   Jesus also showed compassion. Is that tough for us sometimes? It is! My heart is hurting when I’m being attacked, and it’s extremely hard for me to consider why the person feels the need to “get” me with her comments. But being compassionate toward the one hurting me will help me to heal from the wounds she is trying to inflict on my heart.

         If we truly want to do the will of God, we will forgive the person who is being mean. If we do not forgive and we hold a grudge against someone, it’s like drinking poison and thinking the other person will get hurt. But, hear me on this, while you must forgive, it does not mean that you have to “have lunch” with that person.  Does that make sense? Let me explain.

         For the mean girl at school? The one who seems to truly enjoy putting you down, and no matter what you do or say, continues being mean? Forgive her – yes. But you are under no obligation to hang out with her or to sit with her at a ball game. Pray for guidance. It is not your job to change her heart; that belongs to the Lord. You must be obedient to His word and forgive, yes.  I guarantee you that she is watching, waiting to see how you respond to her. Be Jesus.

         And the woman at work? The one who makes continual digs at your job performance and how you dress, and maybe even your family, and does it with a sweet smile? Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Allow the God of the Universe to work on her heart of stone. Just remind yourself that you do not need to take your break when she takes hers, so that she can continue the attack. Just be Jesus.

         Are there situations when we must talk to a principal or teacher at school or a boss at work about verbal attacks? Absolutely. But we will never win if we try to fight a mean girl by being a meaner girl. The only way to win is by being Jesus and by forgiving and allowing Him to work in the life of a mean girl.

         Father, it is so hard for me to forgive a mean girl – especially if it is a Christian friend. Please help me to see the person through your eyes and to forgive them. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

R.A.P. it up . . .

Reflect

• Think of a time when you were targeted by a mean girl.

• What was the outcome of your heart? To get even or to forgive?

Apply

• When a mean girl attacks, first look at her through the eyes of Jesus.

• Forgive – even if you do not want to – and pray for her heart to be changed by the Lord.

Power

• I Peter 2:19 (NIV) “For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God.”

• Psalm 37:7 (NIV) “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.”

• Exodus 14:14 (NIV) “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

The Very Thing I Hate . . .

                        “I do not understand what I do. For  what I want  to do I do not do, 

but what I hate I do.”  Romans 7:15 (NIV)

   There is almost always a small bowl full of candy corn sitting on my coffee table. I keep it as a reminder of something that happened to me as a small child and as a reminder of my behavior as an adult.  I remember it like it was yesterday. 

   My parents played cards with several couples, and we kids went with them to the home of a family we had not met before. As we were sitting on their sofa in the living room, we spotted a bowl of candy corn on the coffee table. That was an expensive delicacy to us and one that we seldom had at our house.

   The daughter in this family frowned as she watched us dip into the bowl again and again, since we knew that we would probably not get another opportunity to eat candy corn for a long time.  

  We must have eaten almost all the sweet candy because she suddenly grabbed the bowl and shouted to her parents in the other room: “Those kids are eating ALL the candy! By the handfuls, Mom! It’s almost gone!” and gave us a look of ‘what is wrong with you’ that mortified us all. I remember thinking as my face flushed with embarrassment that I would never treat anyone like that – ever.

   Fast forward to my being a parent and buying my children a package of 12 juice boxes. I had just enough money to buy them and told my kids to make them last all week. When I came into the kitchen about an hour later and saw all 12 empty boxes, I blew up.

   “You kids drank ALL the juices at one time! Every single one! Now it’s all gone!” and gave them the ‘what is wrong with you’ look. Their faces showed how much I had hurt them with my comment. Suddenly, I was not looking at 12 empty juice boxes, but instead I envisioned a nearly empty bowl of candy corn and felt the sting of hurtful words and the weight of embarrassment.

   The very thing I hate, I end up doing. That’s what Paul is saying in Romans 7. I know what is right. I know what I should do. But instead, I do the very thing that I hate. Reading further in verses 18 and 19, Paul states that he has the desire to do what is good and right, but he just doesn’t do it. Even Paul struggled with the sinful nature that urges us to ignore the right thing to do and instead to do whatever we want. 

    There is an ongoing battle between our sinful natures and God’s will for our lives. How thankful I am for the Cross and for a Savior whose grace and mercy call me to ask for forgiveness and another opportunity to be Jesus to the world. And as I hugged my three children and asked them to forgive me, I thanked the Lord for another opportunity to be an example of Jesus to my children, as my precious little ones instantly smiled with “Yes, Mommy!” and hugged me back. And I surprised them with a trip to the store to buy - you guessed it - a new package of juice boxes

   Let us keep on praying, confessing our mistakes, and trying again. He who is faithful will never leave us. And His grace covers candy corn and juice boxes.

   Father, so many times I say I will never treat someone a certain way, and yet I do. Forgive me and help me to always focus on you and your mercy. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

R.A.P. it up . . .

Reflect

• Have you ever seen or overheard something and thought “I would never do that” but later found yourself doing the very thing you said you would never do?

• Did you immediately realize what had happened and if so,  how did you feel?

Apply

• Find something, like my bowl of candy corn, to place on your coffee table as a reminder of Romans 7:15.

• When you find yourself, as Paul did, doing the opposite of what you want to do, ask the Lord for forgiveness and ask the Holy Spirit to redirect you to God’s will.

Power

• Romans 7:15 (NIV) “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

• Romans 12:9 (NIV) “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.”

• Romans 7:18 -19 (NIV) “. . . For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.”