What Happens When I Don't Forgive

 “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25 (NIV)

   It’s hard to describe the surge of intense anger I instantly felt when I heard the voice behind me. “I bet you don’t remember me . . .” I forced a smile on my face as I turned to greet her, but on the inside, I was raging. Surely she could see my shirt jumping from the pounding of my heart! My hands clenched and unclenched as I battled a deep desire to grab her and scream, “How dare you come up to me after everything you did?”

   But instead I replied, “Yes, I do remember you. It’s been a long time,” as she squeezed my hand and smiled. I had not forgotten her or how she had treated me many years before, as we rode the school bus together day after day, but evidently she had. She was 5 years older than me and never bothered to glance my way when she was by herself. But when her best friend was with her, she suddenly became bold in her comments, and they bruised my heart much worse than if she had physically hit me and left a mark on my skin.

   She would always sit in the seat behind me and speak to her friend in a stage whisper. “Nancy is so skinny. I bet she has some terrible disease and is going to die!” she would tell her friend. Or “Do you know what I heard about Nancy’s mother?” she would whisper loudly and then make up a horrible story that, while I knew it wasn’t true, hurt me terribly. And if I began to cry at what she said, she would immediately make fun of me for the tears. I cannot describe the relief that I felt on the day she graduated because I knew that I would not be hurt by her anymore.

   Can I just be completely honest with you? I was in total shock at my reaction to her voice and my vivid, detailed memories of her behavior years before! Until the exact moment that I heard her voice, I thought I had forgiven her and had forgotten what had happened!  I had read Scriptures on forgiving someone who has hurt you. I had given countless talks at women’s groups on forgiveness. I had encouraged members in my Sunday school class to forgive. But I had not.

   Instead, I had planted my anger and resentment and hurt deep into the soil of my heart, and I had allowed it to take root and grow – for years. Then I read Mark 11:25, and I came face to face with my Father and His Word. He is direct and to the point: He will not forgive me for sinning against Him if I have not done the same: forgiven those who have sinned against me. There is no addendum attached that says “this Scripture only applies if the offender is truly sorry and asks you for forgiveness.” Nope. It says “forgive.” Period.

   Hard to do? At times, oh yes, but so much easier if you ask the Lord for help. And that is exactly what I did. First, I asked Him to forgive me for my attitude and then to pull the anger, hurt, and resentment out of my heart and replace them with mercy, grace, and forgiveness. His answer was “yes.” And one more point – just because you have forgiven does not mean that you will forever forget what happened. 

    But instead of continually allowing yourself to become angry and bitter, use your memory as an opportunity to remind yourself how badly you felt and resolve to never EVER treat someone as you were treated. Then thank the Lord for His mercy and forgiveness toward you. Have you been hurt or wronged or sinned against? Jesus understands completely. His example? Forgive so that we may be forgiven.

   Father, please reveal to me any instance when I have not forgiven someone who has hurt or wronged me. I want to forgive as you do. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

R.A.P. it up . . .

Reflect

• Is there someone in your life, past or present, who hurt you deeply?

• Have you truly forgiven that person, or do you feel anger and resentment every time you think about them?

Apply

• Journal the initials of people that you know or have known who have hurt you or sinned against you.

• Beside each one, write “I forgive you as my Father has forgiven me.” And lift up each one to the Lord.

Power

• Mark 11:25 (NIV) “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

• Colossians 3:13 (NIV) “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

• Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV) “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

 

Burned Beyond Belief

 “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?” Proverbs 6:27 (NIV)

   My first Girl Scout overnight camping experience is one I will never forget. We all took sleeping bags as well as cooking utensils, toothbrushes, and extra clothes. There was a lot to see and explore, but the best part was the evening campfire . . . and roasting marshmallows.

   There were 30 of us campers, so each girl was given only one marshmallow. It was up to us how we wanted to roast it. Some ate it “raw” without warming it at all. Some liked just a slight brown “tan” with a bit of crisp to it.

   But me? I liked mine burned on the outside. I had a method for roasting marshmallows. I would hold the roasting stick down in the flames until the marshmallow caught fire, and then quickly blow it out. Charred marshmallow = best flavor in the world!

   We took turns gathering around the campfire, and I could hardly wait to hold my stick in the flames and watch as the marshmallow burned. My turn came, but as I raised my marshmallow to blow out the flames, I realized that I had let it “cook” too long in the fire, and it was barely clinging to the stick!

    In a matter of seconds, the unthinkable happened: my marshmallow began to fall. One marshmallow! That’s all we were given: ONE! To me, there was only ONE thing to do: just as it slid off the stick, I grabbed it with my hand, flames and all. Just as quickly, I realized my mistake and dropped the gooey blob, but the damage was done. I had major burns on the palm and fingers of my right hand.

   In Scripture, Proverbs 6:27 also talks about being burned, but in a spiritual way. Solomon warns that there is no way a man can put fire in his lap or walk on coals without being burned. What in the world is he talking about? Simply put: Solomon is asking questions with obvious answers.

   What do you have in your life that you are holding on to, even though you know that you are going to get “burned” by it eventually? Let’s see. What about an inappropriate relationship or a questionable business deal? Maybe it’s a habit of gossiping, but calling it sharing.  Perhaps it is allowing anger and resentment toward someone to boil in your heart.

    Each one will eventually result in heartache. Why? It is impossible to engage in sin without escaping and suffering the consequences. Impossible.

   All I could think of at the campfire was a marshmallow. I never stopped to think of the damage that would most certainly follow as I caught it – burning – in my hand. 

   Please look closely at your life. Holding on to sin can only result in being burned beyond belief.

    Father, I choose today to give you those sins in my life that are only going to “burn” me or those I love. Thank you for your forgiveness. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

R. A. P. it up . . .

Reflect

• Can you name something in your life that you are holding on to, even though you know it is against God’s will for you?

• What is keeping you from letting go of it and giving it to the Lord?

Apply

• Ask the Lord to show you sins in your life that you are holding on to that are against His teachings in the Word.

• Beside each entry, list the people who could be “burned” by those sins. Confess each sin to the Lord, repent, and lay them at His feet.

Power 

• Proverbs 6:27 (NIV) “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?”

• Luke 9:24 (NIV) “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.”

• I John 2:15 (NIV) “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”

The Power In Four little Words

 “The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said . . .” 

Matthew 28: 5-6 (NIV)

    I am amazed at the significance that four little words can have in our lives. Let me give you some examples:

  "The toilet is overflowing.”   (“Where is the plunger?”)

“My mother-in-law is early.” (“The house is trashed!”)

“You have been fired.”       (“I have no job.”)

   But perhaps the most significant, most important four words that have ever been spoken, I believe, are these: “Just as He said.”

   In Matthew 28, we are told that after the Sabbath, two women went to the tomb where the body of Jesus had been placed after He was crucified. They needed to prepare Jesus’ body for permanent burial.

   However, when the women arrived, they found an angel sitting on the stone that had previously been rolled in front of the tomb opening. In verses 5 and 6, we read, “The angel said to the women,  “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said . . .”

   If we can’t believe Jesus, if we can’t take Him at His Word - “just as He said” - then there is no need for the Bible. Forget Scripture, forget the promises, forget forgiveness and grace, and certainly forget resurrection and salvation. 

   But, if we DO believe those four little words with such a powerful meaning, then nothing prevents us from believing every other promise He has made in His Word.

Promises like this: Isaiah 41:13 (NIV):  “For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Or the promise in Hebrews 13:5 that “. . .  Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

   And one of my favorite promises in Scripture: “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Hebrews 8:12 (NIV)

   The choice is ours: take God at His Word or rely on our earthly wisdom. I choose four little words that promise Truth in everything He says.  What about you?

   Father, I do not understand everything that is in your Word, but I believe you and trust you with my life every minute of every day. Keep my focus on you. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

R.A.P. it up . . .

Reflect

• Is God’s Word also God’s Truth in your life?

• Do you find that you sometimes doubt whether God really means what He says to you in His Word?

Apply

• Keep a daily journal of the Lord’s promises to you.

• Begin each entry with “Just as He said . . .” and then write down His promise.

Power

• Matthew 28: 5-6 (NIV) “The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said…”

• Proverbs 30:5-6 (NIV) “Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar.”

• John 17:17 (NIV) “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.”

Don't Ignore the Weeds

 “The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?” Matthew 13:27 (NIV)

    I finally decided to spend two long, hot afternoons pulling huge weeds out of the landscaping in my backyard a few years ago. The job was completed, but not without some negative outcomes, including sunburned shoulders, a sore back, and about two million (more or less) chigger bites. To be honest, I had not really given much thought to my backyard plants and shrubs for a long time. 

    Now, the landscaping in the front yard was a totally different story. I spent hours almost every day making it look attractive. Mowing and trimming, and weed eating and watering and mulching and planting new flowers and shrubs and, yes, pulling weeds were always on the agenda.

    Why the difference in the attention that I gave each yard? It’s simple. The front yard – the one that I spent so much time on to make it attractive – is the yard closest to the street. It’s the yard everyone sees when they drive by. No one sees the backyard but me.

    But you know what? The very same weeds that tried to creep up in my front yard were also sneaking into my landscaping in the backyard. I knew that. It’s just that since no one saw them, I didn’t think they were that important.

    Isn’t that how it is with sin? The “big” sins – the ones people can see – are the ones we declare we would never allow in our lives. For example, we would never murder someone. And yet, we read in I John that when we allow the hate weed to grow in our hearts, we have murdered. (I John 3:15)

   And what about adultery? We state loudly that we would never commit that sin, but if we allow lust to shove its roots into our hearts, that’s exactly what we have done. (Matthew 5:28). No one sees those weeds in the “backyard,” but they are there. 

    So how do I keep them out of my heart? The answer is clear: I have to be digging into God’s Word. Not every so often, on an afternoon. But every day. Why? Because when I am NOT in the Word, I allow weeds to sprout up in my heart. And since I am unable to identify them for what they are, I may either fail to spot them or simply ignore them until they have multiplied and spread from the backyard to the front yard of my life. 

    Not only that, but the good seed that has been sown? The compassion and mercy and grace and forgiveness and love that the Lord has given me? It is “choked out” and wilts and dies when the weeds are allowed to grow. 

    Take a deep look into your heart. What are you growing? You may be like me: It’s time to dig in the Word and do some weeding in my life. 

    Father, show me in your Word what weeds I need to pull out of my heart to be more like you. In Jesus’ Name. Amen. 

R.A.P. it up . . . 

Reflect

• Can you identify sins in your heart that you have allowed to grow?

• What is your reason for allowing them to grow?

Apply

• Memorize Matthew 13:27 and write it in your journal daily.

• At the end of each day, make a list of the “weeds” that you allowed in your heart and replace them with God’s words of truth.

Power

• Matthew 13:27 (NIV) “The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?” 

• Psalm 119:11 (NIV) “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” 

• Proverbs 28:13 (NIV) “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

The Tattoo Artist

 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” Isaiah 49:15-16 NIV

   Several years ago, when my husband and I were at a farm sale, I happened to notice tattoos on the arm of a man who was there. I’ve seen different tattoo designs before, but never like his. There were 4  names inked down his left arm, one under the other: Betty, Susan, Amy, and Nancy. But it was hard to read them because across each name was a tattooed black line. 

    So I struck up a conversation with the man and asked him if he would mind explaining what his unusual tattoos meant. He pointed to the first one and said, “Well, Betty was my first girlfriend, but she cheated on me when I was in the service. And then Susan was my first wife, but we just didn’t get along, ya know.” He told me about the last two names, but I don’t remember why they didn’t work out. I just had to ask: “So the line you had tattooed across each one?” He shrugged and said, “I don’t care about them anymore, so I just got rid of them that way. I don’t even think about their names on my arm.”

    Immediately, I thought of Isaiah 49:15-16. “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” 

    I love it for so many reasons. Immediately, I can see that it is the first recorded tattoo in the Bible. God’s tattoo of our names on the palms of his hands! Then my eyes are drawn to the word “engraved.” Not written in pencil, which can be erased, or ink, which can fade. There is no line drawn through our names to show that we have done something to cause Him to never care about or think of us again. But engraved by the God of the Universe because He loves us that much. 

    Do you feel forgotten? Unloved? Alone? Perhaps it seems like no one truly understands your heartache and pain, and you have nowhere to turn. Never forget that God has your very name engraved on His hands for a reason: to let you know that He will never leave you or forget you, and He loves you more than you can ever imagine. There is proof of the love the Eternal Tattoo Artist has for us - engraved on His hands. 

  

     Father, thank you for loving me so much that you would find a way to show me you will never leave me or forget me. I love you. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

 

R.A.P. it up . . . 

Reflect

• Have you ever felt like you were completely alone and no one cared about you and what you were going through?

• Where did you turn to first for help, and why?

Apply

• Memorize Isaiah 49:15-16 for those times when you are struggling with something in your life.

• Write this Scripture on the palm of your hand during your prayer time for a week, and praise the Lord and thank Him for never forgetting your name.

Power

• Isaiah 49:15-16 NIV “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” 

• Psalm 56:8 (NIV) “Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll - are they not in your record?”

• Hebrews 4:16 (NIV) “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”