I Thought I Had Forgiven Her

 

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Mark 11:25 (NIV)

 

It’s hard to describe the surge of intense anger I instantly felt when I heard the voice behind me say “I bet you don’t remember me . . .” I forced a smile on my face as I turned to greet her but on the inside, I was raging. Surely she could see my shirt jumping from the pounding of my heart! My hands clenched and unclenched as I battled a deep desire to grab her and scream “How dare you come up to me after everything you did?”

 

But instead I replied “Yes, I do remember you. It’s been a long time,” as she squeezed my hand and smiled in return. I had not forgotten her or how she had treated me many years before as we rode the school bus together day after day but evidently she had. She was 5 years older than me and never bothered to glance my way when she was by herself. But when her best friend was with her, she suddenly became bold in her comments and they bruised my heart much worse than if she had physically hit me and left a mark on my skin.

 

She would always sit in the seat behind me and speak to her friend in a stage whisper. “Nancy is so skinny. I bet she has some terrible disease and is going to die!” she would tell her friend. Or “Do you know what I heard about Nancy’s mother?” she would whisper loudly and then make up a horrible story that, while I knew it wasn’t true, hurt me terribly. And if I began to cry at what she said, she would immediately make fun of me for the tears. I cannot describe the relief that I felt on the day she graduated because I knew that I would not be hurt by her anymore.

 

Until the exact moment that I heard her voice, I thought I had forgiven her. I had read Scriptures on forgiving someone who has hurt you. I had given countless talks at women’s groups on forgiveness. I had encouraged members in my Sunday school class to forgive. But I had not.

 

            Instead, I had planted my anger and resentment and hurt deep into the soil of my heart and I had allowed it to take root and grow – for years. Then I read Mark 11:25 and I came face to face with my Father and His Word. He is direct and to the point: He will not forgive me for sinning against Him if I have not done the same: forgiven those who have sinned against me. There is no addendum attached that says “this Scripture only applies if the offender is truly sorry and asks you for forgiveness.” Nope. It says “forgive.” Period.

 

Hard to do? At times, oh yes, but so much easier if you ask the Lord for help. And that is exactly what I did. I asked Him to pull the anger and hurt and resentment out of my heart and replace them with mercy and grace and forgiveness. His answer was “yes.” And one more point – just because you have forgiven does not mean that you will forever forget what happened. But instead of continually allowing yourself to become angry and bitter, use your memory as an opportunity to remind yourself how badly you felt and resolve to never ever treat someone as you  were treated. Then thank the Lord for His mercy and forgiveness toward you. Have you been hurt or wronged or sinned against? Jesus understands completely. His example? Forgive so that we may be forgiven.

 

Father, please reveal to me any instance when I have not forgiven someone who has hurt or wronged me. I want to forgive as you do. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

 

 

R.A.P. it up . . .

 

Reflect

• Is there someone in your life, past or present, that hurt you deeply?

 

• Have you truly forgiven that person or do you feel anger and resentment every time you think about them?

 

Apply

• Journal the initials of people that you know or have known who have hurt you or sinned against you.

 

• Beside each one, write “I forgive you as my Father has forgiven me.” And lift each one up to the Lord.

 

Power

• Mark 11:25 (NIV) “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

 

• Colossians 3:13 (NIV) “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

 

• Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV) “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”