The Enabler

 “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead,  make up your mind not to put any stumbling block  or obstacle in your brother’s way.”  Romans 14:13 (NIV)

  “You are the exact person I have been warned about!” the woman said to me with a laugh. I confess I stared at her, first because she put her hands up in a defensive pose and second because, although she said it with a smile, I knew she meant it.

     We were at a meeting together along with several other people from around the state. I was helping get orders for coffee and a dessert for each one there. As the woman came up to me, I asked “Which ice cream do you want? Chocolate, strawberry or vanilla?” 

    She shook her head. “Oh thank you but I can’t. I am on a Weight Watchers diet and have to watch my intake. I’ll just have coffee.” I immediately commented “You look great! Can’t you just have a small bowl of ice cream? Surely that wouldn’t hurt your diet.” That is when she commented “You are the exact person I have been warned about! You are an enabler! Thank you but no thanks.”

    I continued serving the other people but I could not quiet my mind. I knew the definition of an enabler was one who either unintentionally or intentionally supports another's destructive behaviors. They do that by downplaying the negative consequences of those behaviors. Was that description really me?

    After I got home that evening, it suddenly hit me: I absolutely WAS an enabler. This woman was wisely following a diet plan to get healthy and I was trying to get her to step out of her diet to stop her overeating by offering the “just a little bit won’t hurt” solution. Why? I didn’t want her to miss out on the dessert. But that encouragement would come with a price:  unhealthy living.

   Then my thoughts went to my behavior as a Christian.  When I talk to someone about my walk with Jesus, and they don’t believe they can live without certain destructive behaviors,  do I hint that some sins aren’t as bad as others? For example, when they tell me that they know they shouldn’t be sharing rumors at work but it’s hard to stop. Do I have the enabler attitude of “just about everybody does that at one time or another so it’s not as bad as (fill in the blank) to Jesus.” 

   What about the woman who confesses to me that she is having an affair because her husband is not nice to her? Do I share what the Lord says about unfaithfulness in marriage and encourage counseling or do I become an enabler? “God wants you to be happy. Your husband shouldn’t treat you that way.” 

     God’s message is clear. You are not only responsible for your own actions but also for the ways you enable someone else to live a Godly life or walk on a destructive path. It’s time for all of us to gut-check our lives and see if we are enablers. And if we are, we need to confess it to the Lord and determine we will not bend a knee to the world’s view of “everything is okay if it makes you happy.”

   The comment the woman made was life-changing for me. It was an encouragement to me to examine every thought or comment before I shared it and to determine if it was within God’s will or from the world’s view. Oh, and the woman who made the comment to me? She got coffee that day. And I got a new determination to never be an enabler again.

    Father, help me to never cause someone to fall because I am not following your Word in my life. In Jesus’ Name. Amen. 

R.A.P. it up . . . 

Reflect

• Have you ever tried to get someone to change their behavior “just a little bit”?

• Why do you think you did that?

Apply

• When someone shares a situation with you, stop and truly listen to what they are saying.

• Then ask the Lord to give you wisdom before you comment. Follow the Lord’s Words.

Power

• “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.” Romans 14:13 (NIV)

• “Therefore encourage one another and build each  other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

            I Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)  

• “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” Hebrews 10:24 (NIV)