How to Handle a Mean Girl

“For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering

because he is conscious of God.”

I Peter 2:19 (NIV)

 

            “This is pretty healthy to eat, right?” the cashier asked me as I went through her checkout line last week. I nodded that it was and she replied “My husband and I have just started eating healthier and working out.”

            “Well, you always look great but good for you,” I told her but she immediately began to shake her head “no” and glanced away. “Well, not according to one of my friends when she went through my line today. She told me my face looked round and when I asked her what she meant, she told me my face was fat.”

            I couldn’t contain my reaction. “What? Are you kidding me?” She continued: “Oh, she added ‘just kidding’ right after she said that. But I knew she meant it.”

Mean girls. They are everywhere.  And they hide. They hide in a group and they hide behind smiles and “just kidding” comments, but they are mean. Sometimes they even masquerade as a friend or – perhaps even worse – a Christian friend. And if that isn’t bad enough, it often seems that they get away with being mean.

So what can we do when a mean girl verbally attacks? I can immediately tell you what the unchristian side of me says: Get even! Say something right back that is even more hurtful! Share what they said so that everyone around me knows and sides with me. Sound familiar?

And then we read I Peter 2:19 (NIV) “For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God.” What in the world does that mean? Are we just supposed to meekly sit by and “take it” as we are attacked verbally by a mean girl?

First of all, “because he is conscious of God” refers to you. In other words, because you know the will of God, you have a duty to do what He says and that is to be Jesus to the mean girl. Jesus understands. Look through the New Testament at all the horrible comments hurled at Him like missiles and yet He was kind and forgiving. He is encouraging you in I Peter 2:19 to be obedient to His command.

Jesus also showed compassion. Is that tough for us sometimes? It is! My heart is hurting when I’m being attacked and it’s extremely hard for me to consider why the person feels the need to “get” me with her comments. But being compassionate for the one hurting me will help me to heal from the wounds she is trying to inflict on my heart.

            If we truly want to do the will of God, we will forgive the person who is mean. If we do not forgive and we hold a grudge against someone, it’s like drinking poison and thinking the other person will get hurt.

But, hear me on this, while you must forgive, it does not mean that you have to “have lunch” with that person.  Does that make sense? Let me explain.

            For the mean girl at school? The one who seems to truly enjoy putting you down and no matter what you do or say continues being mean? Forgive her – yes. But you are under no obligation to hang out with her or to sit with her at a ball game. Pray for guidance. It is not your job to change her heart; that belongs to the Lord. You must be obedient to His word and forgive, yes.  I guarantee you that she is watching, waiting to see how you respond to her. Be Jesus.

            And the woman at work? The one who makes continual digs at your job performance and how you dress and maybe even your family and does it with a sweet smile? Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Allow the God of the Universe to work on her heart of stone. Just remind yourself that you do not need to take your break when she takes hers so that she can continue the attack. Just be Jesus.

             Are there situations when we must talk to a principal or teacher at school or a boss at work about verbal attacks? Absolutely. But we will never win if we try to fight a mean girl by being a meaner girl. The only way to win is by being Jesus and by forgiving and allowing Him to work in the life of a mean girl.

            Father, it is so hard for me to forgive when someone is being mean – especially if it is a Christian friend. Please help me to see the person through your eyes and to forgive them. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Reflect

·         Think of a time when you were targeted by a mean girl.

·         What was the outcome of your heart? To get even or to forgive?

Apply

·         When a mean girl attacks, first look at her through the eyes of Jesus.

·         Forgive – even if you do not want to – and pray for her heart to be changed by the Lord.

Power

·         I Peter 2:19 (NIV) “For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God.”

·         Psalm 37:7 (NIV) “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.”

·         Exodus 14:14 (NIV) “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”