Ander Issues

 “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” James 1:19-20 (NIV)

   I love my children more than anything in this world. And I truly want to be the best Christian mother ever. Not that I have to win the “Mother of the Year” award, although that would be nice. The problem is I have blown it as a mom more times than I can count. Let me share just one experience with you. I’m not proud of it; I am embarrassed and ashamed.

   My son was four years old and the Tasmanian devil the minute he walked – or rather exploded – into a room. His bedroom was the worst. I would be picking up toys and putting them in his toy box and he would be pulling out all the clothes in his dresser behind me. As soon as I started putting his clothes away, he would run to the toy box and toys would fly. Again. And. Again.

   One beautiful spring afternoon I went into his room to see if he wanted to go outside and play. And I flipped out. Maybe it was because I stepped on the helmet of his Transformer with my bare foot. Or it could have been seeing toys stuffed in his dresser and his clothes stuffed in the toy box or the silly putty embedded in his sheer white curtains for the millionth time. I’m not sure.

   But what I AM sure of is that I turned into a yelling maniac. I proceeded to tell him how terrible it was to create so much work for me and how he needed to change his attitude and improve his behavior or else. The more I yelled, the angrier I became until I stopped to take a breath – and saw her. My landlady. Trimming the shrubs just outside my son’s bedroom. And yes, the windows were open.

   I knew that she heard every syllable of every harsh word I had spoken to my son in anger. And I was instantly so ashamed. Ashamed that I had spoken to my son in anger. Ashamed that it took me realizing that someone heard me, to make me stop.

   There is a reason James 1:19-20 is so important to each one of us. First, we as parents are to be Godly examples to our children. I am fairly certain that even if Jesus had stepped on a Transformer, he would not have exploded in anger at the child who left it on the floor.

   Secondly, we are to be examples of Christ to those around us. My landlady knew I taught the little ones where we went to church. She must have shaken her head at the thought of me teaching “Jesus Loves Me” to 4-year-olds when I treated my own child in such an unlovely, unchristian way.

  Let me be clear: none of us are perfect and there are going to be those times when we completely blow it. But we must always try to “be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” I knelt down, pulled my precious son into my arms, and asked him to forgive me for my angry harsh words. He extended mercy to me as only a four-year-old could and, smiling, said “Okay, Mommy” as he gave me a hug and a kiss.

   Mother of the Year? No. But I am determined every day, with God’s help, to be the example that He desires me to be.

   Father, I long to be a Christian example to my children and to those around me. Please teach me to listen and speak with love and mercy. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

 

R.A.P. it up . . . 

Reflect

• Have you ever absolutely blown it when talking to your children?

•  Were you quick to become angry and speak words you immediately regretted?

Apply

• Journal James 1:19-20. Put your name in place of “My dear brothers.” Every morning for a week, read that Scripture before you get out of bed. 

• Ask the Lord to help you be a Christian example to your children throughout the day.

 

Power 

• James 1:19-20 (NIV) “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

• Psalm 127:3 (NIV) “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.”Ephesians 6:4 (NIV) “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

• Ephesians 6:4 (NIV) “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Praying Without Believing

             “Be joyful always, pray continually . . .” I Thessalonians 5:16-17 (NIV)

    A man was baptized in my hometown a few years ago. That’s wonderful but not news that makes national headlines. It happens all the time. However, something made this baptism different: this was a man I had spent the last 20 years praying for almost every day.

    But I am embarrassed and ashamed to confess that even though I prayed for his salvation, I wasn’t convinced it would happen. Why? Because I saw him and his actions on the outside and I judged him.  I never stopped to consider that God was doing a mighty work on the inside, on this man’s heart. Shame on me.

    Year after year I watched him and prayed but also judged him by how I saw his life unfold. According to I Thessalonians 5:16-17, I should have been “joyful always” knowing that I  should “pray continually” for his heart to turn to Jesus each day and praising God for being faithful to answer when we call on Him.  

    Instead, I was judgmental and prideful during my prayer time. I didn’t speak these comments out loud but my thought life did: “Wow, God. He isn’t going to turn to you, is he?” or “I’m not sure even you can change the heart of concrete that man has, God.” And then there is this one: “So many are praying for him, Lord. Why isn’t he changing?”

    I tell you that, to share this: we may not see with our physical eyes changes going on in the lives of the people we are praying for but God is working on the inside to guide and direct them to His mercy and forgiveness and grace.

    We have no idea the battle that is being waged on the inside for anyone’s heart and life nor do we know the plans that God is putting in place as He fights for His children and their salvation.

    But He tells us to pray continually for a reason: because He, Jesus, has never once stopped interceding for us before the Father. If He never stops, why should we? I should have been trusting God to work in this man’s life and heart but instead, I was judging what I could see with my physical and not spiritual eyes.

    Can I just open up to you and say that there are loved ones in my family that I have prayed for, off and on, for years and I would hate to think that someone was praying for them with the same attitude that I had as I prayed for this man. Do you agree?

    So I have an idea: let’s all resolve to have an attitude of joyfulness as we lift up people all around us who do not have a face-to-face relationship with Jesus. Instead of praying “He probably won’t ever change, Lord” let’s instead pray “I am excited for the day that he turns his heart over to you, Lord.”

    My attitude in prayer. That’s what it comes down to—being joyful as we trust Jesus to speak truth to those around us. It’s not our job to judge if someone is changing inside. Our job is to pray continually, joyfully, hopefully. His job is to change hearts.

   Father, forgive me for using my physical eyes and not my spiritual eyes when praying for your children. Help me to trust you in all things. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

R.A.P. it up . . .

Reflect

• Have you ever prayed for someone for months or even years and felt like your prayers were not being answered?

• Were you trusting the Lord and praying joyfully and continuously or did you give up and stop praying?

Apply

• Journal the names of people that you have prayed over for a long time – months or years.

• Beside each one write “I will joyfully and continually pray for you.” Then make sure to continue praying for them.

 Power

•  I Thessalonians 5:16-17 (NIV) “Be joyful always, pray continually . . .”

• Romans 10:1 (NIV) “Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved.”

•  II Peter 3:9 (NIV) “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

Leaving home For Home

 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” John 14: 1-3 (NIV)

   It had been a year to the day since my sister had passed away from cancer. I sat in my usual church pew - south side, four rows from the back –trying to focus on the picture over the baptistery of the cross and Jesus with His arms outstretched.

   My heart ached for her loss – not just for me as her sister but for her husband, daughters and grandchildren. I could not contain the tears threatening to break through or the knot that began to swell in my throat as it had so many times those past several months after saying goodbye to Mary.

   "Help me with this heartache, Lord.” I silently begged. “I miss her so much!”  And as He often does when His children call His name, the Lord whispered to my heart this wonderful thought:

   "On this day a year ago, you were preparing for Mary to die. But I was preparing for her to live! You were sadly expecting her to leave the earth but I was eagerly waiting for her to arrive in heaven."  I could just imagine our Father shouting "Get ready! My child Mary, my precious servant, is coming soon! Be prepared for her arrival!" as angels hurried to have her mansion ready.

   We see the death of loved ones as a loss and it certainly is – for us. We mourn the fact that we will not talk to them again here on earth . . . we miss smiles and laughter and hugs and their very presence with us.

   But our Father views the death of His children as something entirely different. He welcomes them Home. He ushers them into His presence. He puts His arms around them and showers them with love and compassion. I have no doubt that as my sister stepped before Him, our Father declared for all to hear: “Well done Mary, my good and faithful servant! Welcome Home!”

   Amy Grant sang it very well: “In a little while we’ll be with the Father. Can’t you see Him smile! In a little while we’ll be Home forever . . . in a while. We’re just here to learn to love Him. We’ll be Home . . . in just a little while.”

   Father, thank you for loving us for an eternity…for wanting us to live with you…for not only building our heavenly Home with your hands but for celebrating as you bring us into your kingdom! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

R.A.P. it up . . .

Reflect

• Do you ever get caught up in the everyday craziness of life here on earth?

• Does that cause you to think more or less about our eternal Home?

Apply

• Thank the Lord each morning for your temporary home away from Home.

• As you give thanks, ask God to place people in your path who need to know about your eternal Home.

Power

• John 14: 1-3 (NIV) “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

• I Corinthians 15:55 (NIV) “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?”

• I Corinthians 15:51-52 (NIV) “Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed – in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.”

More Than Fine

 “May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.” II Thessalonians 2:16 (NIV)

     I saw her moving slowly through the slacks aisle in a local department store, shopping but seeing nothing. I understood. The image of her beautiful daughter who had passed away tragically several months before came to mind and was woven through the heartache of my husband’s death only weeks earlier. 

   “How are you?” I asked her. “Fine. How are you?” she responded. “Fine.” I said and we both moved on. The Lord knew that neither one of us was fine or even close to that and He quietly nudged my heart: “You said you were fine and so did she but neither one of you are fine. Go talk to her.” I did not want to obey and instead went to another aisle in the store. But as much as I resisted, the Lord persisted. “Go talk to her.” And I went.

   I touched her shoulder: “You asked me how I was doing and I asked you how you were doing and we both said “fine” but we aren’t fine . . . we are hurting. It’s horrible losing someone you love.” She began to cry and I could not stop my tears. “I can’t imagine what it would be like without your husband,” she said. “And I cannot imagine what I would do if I lost a child.” I whispered to her. 

   When the heartache of a loss is acknowledged, two things occur. First, grief is validated and we know that we have a right to cry and to struggle. Secondly, sympathy and empathy help us to begin the slow process of healing. We shared a bond neither one of us wanted – that of losing someone we loved. But we were able to acknowledge that heartache and grief and to encourage each other to hold on to the Lord and depend on Him as we faced each day with our losses. 

   Grieving at the loss of a loved one cannot be ignored. Even Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus and He knew He would raise His dear friend in a matter of minutes. If asked how He was doing, I wonder if Jesus would have answered “Fine.”

   If you are grieving at the loss of a loved one, I urge you to gently share how you are truly feeling: “Right now I’m doing okay but I can’t tell you in 10 minutes how I will be.”  Or “I am holding on to the Lord with everything I’ve got but it’s so hard.” That allows the person asking the question to also gently encourage you or hug you or whisper your name to the Lord.

    We are told in I Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) that we should “ . . . encourage one another and build each other up . . . ” May we always be willing to share and to listen to hearts that are hurting with a love and compassion that is more than just “fine.”

    Father, please help me to see those who are hurting and need encouragement with your eyes. Help me also to look to you with my heartache. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

R.A.P. it up . . . 

Reflect

• Have you suffered the loss of a child? Spouse? Parent? Close friend? What was your response when someone asked you how you were doing?

• How have you handled those situations in the past when you have come in contact with someone who was heartbroken over a similar loss?

Apply

• Write a note every few weeks to someone you know has suffered the loss of a loved one to let her know you are praying for her.

• Make a phone call to let someone experiencing a loss know that you have not forgotten and are lifting them up to the Lord. 

Power

• “May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.” II Thessalonians 2:16 (NIV)

• “Your love has given me great joy and encouragement because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints.” Philemon 7 (NIV)

• “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up just as in fact you are doing.” I Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)